KIM vs. KIP
PARTICIPANTS IN TRIAL
JUDGE: This is the case of Kim vs. Kip. As I understand the pleadings, the charge against Kip is stealing and vandalism. Are there any opening statements?
ATTY for Kim: Your Honor, in this case we will show that one cold fall evening, Kim got home from the groceries and found her apartment blown up by a flour bomb. We will further show that because the entire apartment was covered with flour there was major cleaning required. Kip tore up all her bread crumb and flour bags and stole her milkbones. Through our evidence we will show that Kip is a thief and a bad teenager pup that vandalized Kim’s home. Thank you, your Honor.
JUDGE: Does the defense for Kip have any opening statements?
ATTY for Kip: Your Honor, these charges of stealing and vandalism is ridiculous. We will show that Kip was only a poor baby pup that was excited about winter and Christmas. As you all know, Santa Paws can only visit if there is snow. Kip was only trying to help out Santa Paws visit Kim’s apartment by spreading “snow.” Thank you, your Honor.
JUDGE: Very well. Call your first witness.
ATTY for Kim: I call Kim as my witness.
JUDGE: Please raise your right hand. Do you swear that the evidence you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Kim: I do.
JUDGE: Please be seated.
ATTY for Kim: Please state your name.
Kim: My name is Kim.
ATTY for Kim: On the evening of November 14, 2011, what time did you come home?
Kim: I got home from the groceries and had to go back to the groceries to pick up an extra ingredient. I got back at 6pm.
ATTY for Kim: When you got back to your apartment what did you notice?
Kim: I noticed a torn up bag of flour and a new box of milkbones torn open. There was flour everywhere.
ATTY for Kim: Did you say anything?
Kim: Yes, I exclaimed OH SHIT.
ATTY for Kim: Kim, I now hand you what has been marked Exhibit A. Is that your new box of milkbones that had milkbones stolen out of?
Kim: Yes, I got it at a buy one get one free event.
ATTY for Kim: How do you normally open your box of milkbones?
Kim: I open it the normal way, by opening the top of the box carefully in order not to tear the tabs.
ATTY for Kim: And do you always carefully open your boxes?
Kim: Yes, it is important to keep the box intact in order to keep the biscuits as fresh as possible.
ATTY for Kim: Did you give permission to Kip to access milkbones directly from the box?
Kim: No, I did not. Milkbones are only allowed once a day and only when he has been good.
ATTY for Kim: Your Honor, I ask that our exhibit be admitted as evidence.
ATTY for Kim: Kim, after you discovered your stolen milkbones what did you do?
Kim: I walked into my living room.
ATTY for Kim: And what did you see?
Kim: I saw Kip’s bed covered with flour and his favorite toy fox also covered in flour.
ATTY for Kim: Kim, I now hand you what has been marked Exhibit B. Are the objects in the photo Kip’s bed and fox?
Kim: Yes they are.
ATTY for Kim: And when you left for the groceries were they clean?
Kim: Not a spec of flour was on anything before I left the apartment.
ATTY for Kim: And when you got back the bed and fox were covered in flour?
Kim: Yes they were.
ATTY for Kim: Did you say anything?
Kim: Yes, I asked WHY KIP WHY?
ATTY for Kim: Did Kip answer?
Kim: No, but he had flour on his face.
ATTY for Kim: Kim, I now hand you what has been marked Exhibit C. Are these pictures of Kip’s paw prints?
ATTY for Kim: And Kim, have you ever let any other dogs or puppies inside your home?
Kim: No, Kip only meets other dogs when he is out for a walk or when he is at daycare.
ATTY for Kim: So Kip has never brought friends home from daycare?
ATTY for Kim: Your Honor, I ask that our exhibits be admitted as evidence.
JUDGE: Very well.
ATTY for Kim: Your Honor, that is all of our evidence. The Kims rest.
JUDGE: Then we will now hear Kip’s side of the case.
ATTY for Kip: Your Honor, as my witness I will call Kip.
JUDGE: Please raise your right paw. Do you swear that the evidence you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
ATTY for Kip: What is your name?
Kip: My name is Kip. My mom calls me Kipkip sometimes.She also calls me a peanut butter Kip because I love peanut butter.
ATTY for Kip: Where do you live?
Kip: I live with Kim in an apartment.
ATTY for Kip: Oh that’s very interesting. And has Kim specified which parts of the apartment are off limits?
Kip: Only the bathroom and the closets. She makes sure the doors are closed before she leaves for work.
ATTY for Kip: And were the milkbones and flour in the bathroom and closet?
Kip: No they weren’t.
ATTY for Kip: Now Kip, does Kim ever let you eat milkbones?
Kip: Oh yes! She gives me milkbones as a treat.
ATTY for Kip: When does Kim give you milkbones?
Kip: When I sit and give her my paw. Or sometimes she puts them in bottles with my kibble.
ATTY for Kip: So you have to work in order to get your food and treats?
Kip: Yes sir.
ATTY for Kip: And did you have to work in order to get your milkbones tonight?
Kip: Yes, it was quite the challenge. I didn’t expect her to leave so many though!
ATTY for Kip: What else did you find?
Kip: I found a bag full of SNOW!
ATTY for Kip: Did you say anything when you saw the snow?
Kip: I howled, I gotta help SANTA PAWS! It not right for the snow to be tied up!
ATTY for Kip: So you spread the snow to help Santa Paws come visit you and Kim?
Kip: Mhmm. I made sure to do all the work because Kim is usually tired after a long day at work and grocery shopping.
ATTY for Kip: You didn’t mean to harm anybody did you Kip?
Kip: Of course not! My daycare teacher tells me I am the friendliest puppy in the whole world!
ATTY for Kip: Thank you Kip. That’s all the questions. Your Honor, we have shown that Kip is a good little pup at heart. He has said that he meant no harm in spreading the snow flour. He was merely helping Kim’s apartment get ready for a visit from Santa Paws. He didn’t think that the milkbones were not his. In fact there is no real evidence that they were not left for him as Kim has always left milkbones in his Kong or a plastic bottle. A box is no much different from any of the other containers the milkbones have been in. He didn’t even eat the entire box.
JUDGE: Thank you. Does that conclude the evidence?
ATTYS: Yes it does.
JUDGE: You have now heard the evidence. Now it is your job to decide whether Kip was stealing and vandalizing Kim’s apartment. Will you please discuss the evidence and inform the Court whether Kip is guilty or not?